I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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