I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
