Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
