I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize