Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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