I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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