Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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