I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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