every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
