I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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