Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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