he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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