Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
