Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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