I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
