i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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