My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize