I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
