Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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