Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
