please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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