So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
