What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
