I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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