I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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