just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
