I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
