just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
