Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize