Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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