why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
