The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
