i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
