when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
