I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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