isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
