I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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