i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
