Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
