Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
