you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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