is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
