we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
