the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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