so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
