woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
