best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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