We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
