ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Buhtt sex?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
