Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
