So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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