Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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