I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
