But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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