obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
