Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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