No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
