Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
