Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
