Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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