My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
