I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
