So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
