I wish my penis had an off switch
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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