why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
